as-iron-sharpens-iron

Proverbs 16:9

In their hearts humans plan their course,

but the Lord establishes their steps.

Before I left Korea a couple of months ago, I had a conversation with one of my volleyball girls about how I was really praying that the Lord would keep me grounded and focused during my time home this summer. Since I have been living in Korea, I have always been super excited for the next time that I get to go back home to Washington/Arizona, but when I get there it’s this overwhelming feeling of out-of-controlness (not a word?) because I am trying too hard to control. I never really knew how to explain the feeling until I was at a service at a church we go to in downtown Portland, and the speaker was talking about how alot of people he has met around the world who virtually have nothing, have experienced and share with others the joy of the Lord and just the peace that goes along with it more than anyone else he’s ever met. And it made so much sense because he was saying that we are constantly discontent in our culture because we never have enough…whether it’s people, things, money, whatever…yet we can’t wrap our minds around the fact that we already have all that we need.

I don’t want to sound corny because I know this is kind of a cliche thought, but after living abroad for a couple of years now, it gives that idea a whole new meaning. I’ve also realized that not only do I feel discontent and this massive motivation to control every aspect of my life when I come home, but I’ve felt that way for my entire life. When I come back, I always have a giant agenda in my head weeks before I leave Korea that includes what I’m going to buy, where I’m going to go, who I’m going to see, where I’m going to eat…and it goes on and on and on. Not that it’s all bad because the point of coming back in the first place is to see the people I have missed for months on end and to live life with them for a short time by going and doing the things we enjoy! Nothing wrong with that in the least. But the way I operate is to make sure that everything goes PERFECTLY for everyone involved…but mostly for myself. I want to feel at the end of that trip like I left my life in America in perfect order. The kicker though is that I’m imperfect, in the way that I treat my family and friends, the way I choose to spend my time and money, and ultimately in the time that I set aside for the Lord.

So my volleyball player I mentioned earlier is one of the most unbelievable young women I’ve ever met and is someone that has challenged me in my faith consistently throughout the last 2 years. This summer we’ve tried to keep each other accountable as she is still in Korea and getting ready to go to college in America, and I’m in America getting ready to leave again for Korea. We’re both leaving our comfort zones and our lives back home preparing for a new adventure in a place that isn’t as easy and comfortable. It seems like it would be way easier to take the reins and try to control my life here so that when I leave every relationship and aspect of it is in perfect order, but I’ve realized that only causes a mess. I am a mess! So I’m learning to trust the Lord in my time here and in my time away, that His hand is in every aspect of my life whether I’m in Asia or North America and that it’s all perfectly knit together for His glory. Surrender is the hardest thing. Ever.

1 year ago

trials

James 2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

Sometimes it’s the lowpoints in our life where God gets our attention, when he can really teach us something because we are listening and looking for answers. This was my lesson learned this last year. It was my first year out of college, and although EVERYONE said it would be the hardest year, I didn’t want to believe it. However, regardless of how smart or driven I thought myself to be, real life hit me smack in the schnoz.

I found myself living back with my parents (that in itself, quite a humbling experience), in my hometown away from all my college friends, and job hunting/soul searching. After about a week of job hunting I began to feel all kinds of self doubt, lack of confidence, and lack of self-worth. And let’s just say I was job hunting for much longer than a week. I began to believe the lies the enemy was feeding me: You can’t find a job, you aren’t contributing to society, you are useless in this world.

I worked what seemed like 27 small or short term jobs, jumping from one to the next, not feeling satisfied with where I was or what I was doing. Come winter of that first year, I was completely drained. I had reached my lowpoint.

I couldn’t come to fully understand or believe this truth at the time, but the TRUTH is our worth is found in Jesus Christ. This is not a statement to take lightly. In this lowpoint I not only began to question who I was, but who God was. Was he punishing me? Does He even care what happens to me?

Our security is not based on how we feel but who God is. God is good all the time, and all the time God is good. We are emotional beings, we are high and low. I may show up to work in a great mood, but once I spill my coffee and lose my pen I’m in a bad mood. Even though God is a being and has emotions, He is constant and faithful. He brings joy and comfort in the pain.

Luke 6: 21 Blessed are you who hunger now,

for you will be satisfied.

Blessed are you who weep now,

for you will laugh.

Through the trial God can teach us something. In fact, there are some things only sorrow can teach. The shortest verse in the bible says “Jesus Wept”. Even Jesus who was fully God and fully man had to experience sorrow, even before He raised his friend from the dead. For me, I needed to be in a hard place to really learn how to trust God with my life. I realized being a Christian is not just loving Jesus and getting my free ticket to Heaven, but trusting Jesus with everything. Giving up everything to follow Him; That is what He truly desires.

I needed to put my arrogance and stubbornness aside in order for God to use me. It is in our weakness that His strength truly shows, after all. So I’ll end with this challenge:

Are you living as if God’s grace alone is indeed sufficient for you?